Our Sisters In Spirit (S.I.S.) have asked us where we got the concept and title for our book. Well...we were meeting women who were struggling between who they were trying to be for everyone else and who they really were. We met women who had lost all sense of boundaries. We had clients who had worried about what everyone else wanted for so long that they now couldn’t remember what made THEM happy. We were hearing our client's stories. We were talking with friends over coffee AND we were remembering our own stories. The pages are the result of several conversations where someone said, “Are you writing this stuff down?”
It seems, at an early age this big, wide world taught women that we have to make some serious choices in life.
Swings or Monkey bars?
Coke or Pepsi?
College or Trade school?
Stay at home Mom or Career?
Iphone or Android?
Everyone’s sweetheart or BITCH?
We wanted to create a guide to help ourselves and our Sisters stand in their own space. We wanted you to know you aren’t alone in trying to be true to who you really are. We wrote a reminder that you can hold good boundaries, all while still being a pleasant, kind, individual that is cool to hang out with. It was the book that was in our hearts because it was also our story. I was one side of that choice between Bitch and People Pleaser and Natalie was the other.
Neither of us was a hard ass, but we were two different versions of Mary Sunshine. We are both fun loving, goofballs but we had two different sets of coping skills when it came to conflict, boundaries and being true to ourselves.
Natalie was once a People Pleaser trying to do what everyone else needed her to do. “Don’t be silly,” “Don’t be selfish” and “Whoever gets the most angry wins,” were keeping her in line. She wouldn’t have said that at the time. She would have said she was just being the peace in the room, a responsible adult and that is what you are suppose to do. See how this stuff sneaks up on you?
I was like Patrick Swayze in the movie Road House. He is telling the bouncers how to handle the customers. He says, “You be nice, you be nice, you be nice….till it’s time to not be nice anymore”. Yep, that was me. I was sweet, pleasant, smiley girl just trying to go with the flow and keep everyone happy. However, I would go along and go along till someone would trip the switch that would set my hair on fire.I would begin having the come apart that we talk about in the book. There are times when we think we are communicating but we are really just yelling.
Once you go over to crazyville, everyone is just trying to “shut you up or calm you down.” It might have looked like personal power. It was really me not speaking up til my head was spinning off of my shoulders. We heard from women who had given away their true sense of self.
Then there were the women who had shut down altogether. These were the women who decided they weren’t going to, “go along” with anything. They would say “Hell No” to everything and be done with it. They are the Sisters that get called the B word. Because we know the exhilaration that can come in hearing the sound of your own voice saying exactly what you mean, we paid attention. We know you want to be strong but you also want to feel good about your interactions with others. That's why we created How To Be Happy Being Yourself: Experiencing Your Life Your Way Without Being A Bitch.
We know that fun and laughter and joy are not condiments of life but the meat and potatoes. LIVING WHAT YOU LOVE is about rockin relationships, meaningful moments and the freedom of living life your way (all while still having families, bosses and friends). It’s what playing on our Jungle Gym is all about.
Every time a woman writes us to say, “You wrote this about me!” or “I’m giving this to every woman I know ” or “How did you know I needed to hear this?” we do the happy dance. It is then that we know we have found our Sisters, women who are ready to ALLOW THEMSELVES TO BE THEMSELVES. We hope our sweet labor of love is the permission slip YOU have been looking for. You found us and and we are so grateful to have found YOU. “Welcome to the sandbox”.